A non-Manny Day

11 . 8 . 99

BLAKE/ROSS/HOLLY: Holly, brilliant newspaper woman – Someone who takes a computer could be on drugs or violent? What are they gonna do, hit someone over the head with it? Blake, Blake, Blake… got that cell phone workin' some serious off-peak minutes in the car, huh? Just happen to carry around the adapter in your pocket? Good line about the neighbors seeing her. I enjoy it when they actually put in a realistic line here and there! It keeps me on my toes! Oh, the coppers! Deputy Dunce, another one of Springfield's dumbest, believing Blake, cracked me up. EK – come back from maternity leave quickly so they can stick you in a storyline worth your immense talent! "Contractions, very normal, had them in my last pregnancy" – LOL! Oh ok.. so she hooked up the phone to her car phone. Fine. :) Holly, the only thing you can think of when your computer is stolen is the stupid chapter from your Jackie Collins wanna be? Must be nice to lose a $3,000 piece of metal only to calmly lament over a few badly written words. I'm sure Tracee's kicking you as we speak. I tell ya, the sheer camp value of this storyline is the only thing saving it in my mind. Ross, stop coming on to your mother-in law! You naughty little boy. Ick factor – WAY UP HERE. Ditto on having the cop and Blake share the 411 on their significant others. Weirdness abounds.

DREW/BEN: Your best friend? Since when? Since you tried to steal her boyfriend? Since you sold her out to the mob? Since you slept with her husband? Please. Someone needs to actually WATCH the past year before they try and write about it. "She's turning into one of them" – foreshadowing? One can only hope. "I cannot be best friends with someone.." Nope, sorry Drew, Michelle's best friends with Bill. And why do we know this? Because they tell us EVERY FRIGGIN' DAY! "Friendship with a liar?" Lookin' in the mirror again, babe? Thank you, Ben. You're one of the only characters who has stayed true recently, imo. I enjoy his layers more now than I ever did, maybe even more so because of the Drew revelation. Pay no mind to my incredible urge to rip those earrings out of Drew's ears and watch her suffer a slow and painful death. "What's wrong with me?" Don't leave yourself open there, Drew. We'll be all over yer ass. A father, a mother and a brother in the past year. Add water to Drew's insta-family and you have some leaky, gooey slop. OMG, she mentioned the Jewish-ness that is her! Huge neverbeforeseenondaytimetelevision storyline gets a brief mention, it's a friggin' miracle. Oy. That picture. Why did they pick my least favorite TB pic to put in that frame?

PILAR/CARMEN: Did PG age about 12 years? Why does she look 30 now? Carmen, not only are you a bad mommy, you're as stupid as my scissors. You just said it, she hated him, she got along with him and now she's in love with him? Come on, you're supposed to be some tough crime boss and you can't even see through your own daughter? Maybe when your hair grows back, so will your brains. I seriously need SS to stop yelling. My lone brain vessel going to pop if she hits that "I don't want to lose you!" decibel again. Grandmama! Rollin' rollin' rollin'! Woo! You are one hot mama! I believe this woman to be a true Matriarch of a Mob family, and in only one scene! I'll miss old grandma forgetting her lines (it was so endearing and grandma-esque), but this one will help the story along and enrich it even more so. At least PG can say "Abuelita" correctly! Finally!

JOSH/BILLY/MARAH/ABBY: Anytime Billy's around, I'm a happy cowgal. Did anyone else break into "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back…" when Josh mentioned surprising Reva with the baby back ribs? Cuz I sure did! I've never really found RN particularly attractive, something about the "do I shave it? Do I let it grow?" perpetual status of his beard, but he looked positively smashing today! Usually I prefer casual to stuffy, but stuffy looks good on our local whipping boy. Is Marah's blouse a not-as-ugly-stepsister to T-Bag's pit-stained purple wonder from the CC scenes? Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate RN's subtlety-ness? I'm sure I have. My favorite Josh accessory? The phone. He uses them very well. Remember back when Danny called before they flew to SC? He picked up the phone, then realized it wasn't on, so he pushed the button before he spoke. Now WHO would do that?? RN, that's who! And today, his little gesture about the phone number ("I think I got a number here, let's see, what is it?") is just one of those little things that I love from an actor. Why the heck do I notice these things? Oh, btw, writers? Abby needs a storyline!!!! Wait, Reva was her old self up in cross creek? Her old SLUTTY self? Oh yeah, we remember her. Marah – who starts a phone number with either the * or the 0 – TWICE? Oy. Let's send this girl back to soap opera phone-calling school. First of all, dialing 30 numbers (yes, I counted) does not get you an instant connection to another country, no matter how long your pause is between numbers 17 and 18. Josh is a good daddy. Oddly enough, I find Marah's reaction to what her mother is doing very refreshing.

RICHARD/REVA/CASSIE: Wouldn't you think that the royal family would be rich enough to have a well-kept patio area? It's as run-down as the old Diner was before the third, no no.. second? No, wait, the FIRST remodeling! Whoever dressed KZ must've read the script where she goes horse-back riding. When did Richard have time to visit the colorist? Between holding back the mad mob he calls his "people" and blocking his eyes from the glare coming off Dax's head? Now he looks too YOUNG for Reva! Poor Reva. Are we supposed to feel sorry for her? You had amnesia! Stop asking for forgiveness, you sniveling shrew! Is Reva's plight sympathetic to anyone? Cuz it sure isn't to me! Reva, you look horrible in green. Though I'm not the biggest Richard fan, I appreciate him showing Reva the hand. You go girlfriend! Er.. well, you know. Whatever. I'm sitting here waiting for Reva to break out into the SC national anthem. Queen Reva. Why does that make me want to wretch? A speechless Reva. I enjoyed it while I could. "This isn't a selfless act. This is about you wanting two lives, two men…". Get the hint, Reva. Richie and Casssie and Josh are telling you the same thing. Wash out the bleach job and let it sink in. For some reason, this whole "setting you free" scene didn't have quite the same impact as Manny's did. Go figger.

CASSIE/JENNY: Nothing like coming home from a hard night of stripping to find a basket of laundry and puppy slippers waiting for you. One thing I must applaud in this storyline – portraying a stripper as something more than a five dolla ho (ahem, Jenny). It's well known that many strippers are not just heroin-addicts off the street lookin' for the quick buck. Many are intelligent young women who have a completely different life than what you would imagine. If anything, this is more accurate than most of those evil stripper storylines you see on soaps (they're just so dang popular!). "I detach" – wow, am I the only one who likes this story now? I just TOTALLY know this Cassie. I totally relate to her. Not that * I * was once a teenage stripper or anything, but I really do KNOW girls like Cassie. Creepy. Now if only they'd drop this whole Cinderella storyline, I'd be satisfied. Does Cassie's bag look a little TOO much like Danny's & Michelle's? Hey Cassie, check the secret pocket. If you're lucky, you may find a little $25,000 bond that they missed during the "raid".

Candy