Top Ten Ways Danny Can Occupy Himself Without Drinking by Tracee
10. Rearrange all of TWV's painstakingly laid out shoes, put the right shoe on the left side, left shoe on the right side. Giggle as he watches TWV trip his way around town. 9. Rewind, slo-mo, freeze frame, security camera tapes of Manny kisses in the Lair O' Lust, to get through the painful breakup. Oh wait... that's Manny fans preoccupation... 8. Order his black garments in shades of black "Cool Black" "Baby Got Black" "Back to Back Black" "Gap Black" "Michelled Touched Me In This Once Black..." 7. Dub and sell his illegally obtained copy of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, to raise funds now that mommy will likely cut him off from the family fortune. Secretly think to self "I'd love to *show* Michelle my light saber if she wears those Leia buns just once, okay I'd just like to show her my light saber, period." 6. Play with Gumby stretch figure, note the remarkable resemblance it bears to TWV, wonder if they're created from the same source material. 5. Commission scientist to study the shapes and molds of vegetables, wonder if they're sentient beings, capable of sprouting to life size, with mold on top of head. Hey, if they can clone a person... 4. Frame blonde strand of hair found on his pillow. Put it over mommy's desk in spotlights as a reminder. 3. Watch The Sopranos on HBO, wonder where he went wrong with his wife and why she can't be as supportive as Tony's wife. Remind self to dub and send copy to Michelle for future reference. 2. Send TWV dictionary from "Michelle", watch him cry as he attempts to get past the first word "a", thinking it's a sign that she wants him to reach out and reconnect with her. 1. Write a Top Ten Ways To Prove Michelle Pulling a Knife On Me Must Mean She *Really* Wants Me, list. As an alternate write a thesis on the historical literary function of "Star Crossed Lovers", for the hell of it, don't include self as example.
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