"Endure not yet, A breach, but an expansion..."

by Tracee

April 23, 1999

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat. -- John Donne

Having gotten a chance to sit and fully devote myself to yesterday's lighthouse scenes (after a quick perusal in the morning) I find myself feeling poetic, and for some reason I'm reminded of the quote above. It's over three and a half centuries old, but the intent remains the same. "Though I must go, endure not yet, a breach, but an expansion."

Yesterday was not a breach, it was an expansion in every sense of the word. There were words that could be mistaken for a breach, actions even, but yesterday Manny's canvas suddenly became that much dramatic, that much more expansive, that much more poignant. I believe this is what touched me the most, the vivid colors that suddenly made the best Manny scenes feel like I had just been watching them in black and white, all along. My favorite stories are always character based, and without fanfare, Michelle suddenly blossomed into this wonderful character before my eyes. I'm not sure I particularly understood Michelle before, other than the surface aspects of good girl, bad situation. But yesterday there was a Michelle who charged in front of Danny and would not let him leave, would not let him brush off her explanations, would not let him lie to himself or to her. And in no time, that same spirit was left broken and helpless. She seemed so fragile, when she cried out loud, wondering why he couldn't at least try to get away from the family. I don't mind my characters showing the occasional weakness, and if anyone deserved a much needed cry, it was Michelle. It's so easy for the idealistic, integrity filled Michelle to assume that it'll be easy for them, that now that she's being honest, life will fall back into place. From what I can gather, she did much the same with her previous relationships, try to change that which didn't suit her, but this relationship is not like any other she's ever had. The solution to her problems is not to change Danny to her liking, but to accept the feelings she has for him, despite who Danny is.

But this is what made this canvas so much more alive. Michelle's journey is learning how to be adult about her decision to try and make this marriage work, which is far more challenging than the "we deserve this" starry eyed exclamation she made. She has to learn what making it work means, and that means having Danny, baggage and all. Which isn't to say I blame her for hoping that he wants to be different (because she knows he inherently is, she knows this, which is why it's so frustrating to her), because I don't. But while Michelle is finding her way through this maze, she's not being helped at all, by Danny coming at her, in the completely opposite direction. I believe Danny was as much in pain, over Michelle's reluctance to have him as is, as he was at the realization that Michelle was essentially right, to begin with. He was choked up, and on the verge of sobbing when he pulled away and said that this is who he was. Yes this is who he is, and he likes it no better than Michelle does.

"Something made it real between us." I loved this line. No I LOVED this line. Words cannot do justice to how much my mind reeled when I heard this line, how alive this scene became after Michelle uttered this line. Yet it's not a particularly romantic or even intelligent line. But for the life of me, I couldn't help but smile over the fact that neither of them are capable of defining that something. It's that something, that indefinable, inexplicable something, that mystery that makes love so fascinating, for hundreds and hundreds of centuries. One does not explain what made it real, in a relationship like this, one just lives it, and relishes it. And it's that same something that made us, the fans, react so strongly to this couple. It's what puts the goofy grins on our faces, and makes us sit with impatience feeling everything along with this couple.

There are love stories and then there are great love stories, and Manny officially entered the history books as the latter, for me, yesterday. I read the scoops, and I don't fret, and I don't care if I have to suffer through angst, because I feel like I'm 15 and the guy I've pined for, for years, has just noticed me. That same rush, and same breathless anticipation with all of these feelings running through me, that I don't know what to do with. Watching Manny is much the same, such overstated emotion and pure excitement. I love being able to share that feeling with so many wonderful people. I love that they understand everything I'm trying to say, even when I say it poorly. I don't remember ever feeling quite this way about a soap couple, though I've had my favorites in the past, but that anticipation marred by no scoop, no scene, no other fan groups. Nothing can take away from that feeling.

So when I watched again tonight, and I was reminded of that quote "endure not yet a breach, but an expansion" it just articulated everything that Manny became yesterday right before my eyes, this wonderful scope (how much more star-crossed do you get than these two on opposite sides of the door, a literal obstacle standing right between them), of mixed signals and boundless, breathless emotion, both of them with emotion bubbling right under their every word and movement. And it made me think of the fans enduring not a breach, but a wonderful, wonderful story that just keeps unfolding and the stakes just keep getting higher by the day.

Gawd, I love this story!

Tracee