Top 15 Ways to Endure Any Potential Messe, Dranny or *S.H.R.E.W Scenes by Tracee March 28, 1999
14) Count TWV's facial expressions. Cut and file your toenails for the rest of the 59 minutes and 59.5 seconds you have left, in the hour. 13) Make a travel log of your trips to the porcelain goddess. Have it notarized and use it in your lawsuit against GL, for emotional distress. 12) Imagine TWV naked. When you wakeup in the E.R. after passing out from exhaustion and lack of oxygen thanks to your bout of hysterics, make a specific request for no orderlies named Carlos. 11) Catch up on your sleep. Just think of Drew in possible shrieking labor. Get a cold compress, lay down in a cool room, pass out and hope it was all just a nightmare when you wake up. Add this to proof for your aforementioned lawsuit. 10) Read a pop-up book in honor of TWV. 9) Picture Majorca with Manny. If that doesn't work, just picture Danny, period. 8) Wonder how to convince TPTB that TWV is *such* an exceptional guy he really would marry his pregnant, single, pal to help her out. Promise to praise TWV for being such a gentleman... or at least vow to eat more vegetables in his honor. 7) Sew black armbands onto all of your shirts in protest, double as a tribute to Danny's sartorial sense. 6) Count the number of times TWV blinks, convince yourself it's a defense mechanism from having to process too much input at once, and one day it'll just overload and crash. 5) Imagine appropriate punishments for all of S.H.R.E.W's misdeeds. Start with scissors and headful of hair. 4) Clean lint out of your belly button, note resemblance to certain legumes. 3) Learn how to perform tracheotomies from a do it yourself book, but not well enough to miss nicking voice boxes. It may come in handy. 2) Imagine what Manny could really do if they were on cable! 1) Watch Michelle and/or Danny prove single-handedly for once and for all, people in comas really do hear what those around them are saying.
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